Slow vs. Fast

Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don't worry it will take just five minutes.

Patient: And how much will it cost?

Dentist: It's $90.00.

Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work?

Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.

Everybody

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody

was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought

Anybody could do it but Nobody  realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up

that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Recent Quips from Late Night

"Do you like good news? President Bush has ordered now -- it's official -- has ordered his troops now to find Osama Bin Laden. Yep boy, he really jumped on that one, didn't he?" --David Letterman

"According to a Pentagon report this week, more than 1,000 nuclear missile components in the U.S. arsenal are lost and cannot be located. We can't even find our own weapons of mass destruction! Anyway, the Air Force, in their defense ... said today, there's a big difference between something being missing and just not being able to find it. Which would be okay if you're talking about a pair of lost sunglasses." --Jay Leno

Perils of Drink

Doctor: "It's no good. I can't find anything wrong with you. It must just be the effects of drinking."

Patient: "I'll come back when you're sober then!"

Horse Walks into a Bar

Horse walks into a bar, orders a beer, sits down at one of the tables, and starts reading his paper. The bartender is a bit shocked by all this, but pours the beer, and brings it over to the horse, who proffers a ten dollar bill for it.

Now the barman figures the horse isn't that bright, so he decides to pull the old 'short-change' trick on him. He duly goes back to the horse with 1 dollar. The horse doesn't say a word.

The horse eventually finishes his beer and goes up to the bar to order another. The bartender says to him, "Y'know, we don't get many horses in here."

To which the horse replies, "At nine dollars a beer, I'm not surprised!"

One Chair

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."